The 1433rd Psalm

  The DBA is my shepherd; I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green Integration Services tasks: he leadeth me beside the still SSDs. He restoreth my filegroups: he leadeth me in the paths of MS best practices for his sanity's sake. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of joins, I will fear no scans: for thou art the optimizer; Thy indexes and statistics they comfort me. Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine schemas: thou anointest my database with DBCC CHECKDB; my plan cache runneth over. Surely…
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The Chicken

A little over a week ago, Wendy Pastrick (blog | twitter) had a blog post, Attack of the Killer Maintenance Plan, where she crafts a horror story from her experience checking out some maintenance plans designed by a former employee. After reading this, I was inspired to come up with my own tale, blended with classic American Literature.  The irony here is that I hated (and hence did terrible in) all my english and literature classes throughout school.  This was especially true for Mr. Miller's 10th grade American Lit class, where I believe my final grade was a "C-".  Thankfully,…
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